Fate - a myth or fact?

To believe or not to believe, that is the question.
I stand here in awe, in disbelief, in pain, in satisfaction, in hope, in basically a rollercoaster of emotions.
Everything happens for a reason, a phrase told many many times, it hasn't occured to me that it might actually be true til a few days ago. I always believed, we make our own luck (which is true) and that "God helps those who help themselves".
A couple of weeks ago, I would have been content or convinced that remaining in a state with the lack of oppurtunities for my future was what I was going to have. All because I had clung on to a person romantically and gave a 110% into a relationship even when within me it was obvious that I need and I had to break free from it. There came a point when I managed to gather up my courage to cut off the one person whom i thought was my source of care, pillar of strength and basically my only support network at that point of time. It was all fine for a couple of days but being the way I am, always doubting and second guessing, I fell back into believing that I had once again as many times before, made the wrong decision.
But this time, it was different...
My faith in God has never been strong to begin with and I dare not say that it has strengthen due to this incident. But it has changed my perspective to a significant extent.
I recall kneeling in the empty church crying, bargaining with God (as I normally do) and just praying and begging that the confusion, the conflict, the feeling of loneliness would just fade away. I begged God to guide me towards my vocation in life and I bargained that I would face any suffering to achieve that happiness which God ever so promised. Never did I expect to face it so soon. The pain I felt when words were uttered towards me was the feeling I hope no one else has to feel. The feeling of loneliness to the hopeful to the pretentious happiness and finally to an utter dissapointment. I was in shock when I snapped. Looking back I don't know why I did what I did. From the beginning till the end. But I have no regrets.
That very explosion was the very boost I needed to detach myself from a place where my future was not meant to be.
I have no regrets - I loved, I cared, I tried as hard as I could given the things that I had to face along the way. There is only so much anyone can do. The pang is felt when you realise that despite all that, the very person whom you trusted to understand and care - actually was never that into you :) But like many many other things, everything happens for a reason.
I found that reason, It was long overdue but all that matters is that its found.
I don't know whether God had a major role to play in this or it was just mere coincidence and luck. All I know is that I'm here now, alive and well, with everything around me for the taking. An oppurtunity has arose and I'm going for it!

Choices

All humans are born with a choice. Choices are always there for the taking – it is only up to the human in question to choose his or her choice.

As this is such, we come across many humans who (as we are imperfect) think they have only one choice. But these particular species are not my main subject. It is those who refuse to see the available choices and somehow decide in the end to choose the ones that not only cause detriment to their selves but also to those around them.

Not only do they make a fool of themselves and conveniently not know about it. But they also tend to make a fool out of you. There is a line one should draw when it comes to dealing with such people. If you don’t, they think it would be perfectly fine to climb all over you while shitting and pissing on you. It would just be a matter of time when they decide to do literally just that.

However, these particular human beings also happen to be creative and wonderful minds as they are able to concoct with amazing scenario to let other people know that you are apparently the actual one with the problem. Unfortunately as humans are so imperfect, they too choose to actually be drawn into the kingdom of the King of Annoyance.

In conclusion, make your stand and stick to it. No matter how hard and terrible it may be as the whole world may be against you, stay true to yourself and what you believe in – as this is not only one of the most challenging choice to choose, and through this, you’re making a choice to be noble and true to the person who matters most – YOU.

Irony

Life can be full of joy and then suddenly it takes a plunge like no other. And trust me, when that happens… all you can think of is either smashing the annoying person face into a brick wall or smashing yours instead.

Never will I grasp the true meaning of having irony exist but knowing that it does, kind of keeps one on their toes and that somehow gives way to anxiety or even paranoia at times. Today may be a beautiful day and your friends and family all around making you feel so special, so wanted, so loved… the next day it takes a 180 degree turn and they start throwing dirt in your face. And then they come up with this wonderful saying – “I’m only doing this because I care for you…” REALLY??? Aaawww… that’s when you let go of whatever that’s been bugging you for that moment and then have that feeling of security and care restored or should I say insured for that particular moment. But however, what about the moments that linger or resurface again not after 2 or 3 years perhaps even after 8 to 10 years! And when you wish to claim that insured security and care, whoops! It expired! And you’re supposed to forgive and forget and move along with life. Huh.. Life.. or more like what ever the hell that is left of it.

The thing is there is nothing one can do about the pent up feelings that have been already part of a person’s life. If you take that anxiety away, the paranoia, one does not know how to live life any longer. It is those significant emotions that stir or jump starts a person’s actions for living which ever life he or she chooses to lead.

Living life to its fullest maybe an ultimate plan but how we want to live our lives are most of the time - not entirely up to us – YET.

Purpose

It's such an intriguing word - purpose. It embodies both choice and circumstance. Two elements that define our very reason for existing. Living in any society that somehow decides how or what you are has always been a challenge to almost anyone. Our purpose in life is also to a certain extent pre-determined. It takes courage, focus and most importantly a breath of freedom to enable one to explore and discover ones true purpose in life. However, it is easier said than done. People in general are a pleasing race. However, it is a choice to whom they choose to please. Unfortunately, it may be argued that that too would most probably be pre-determined.

Discovering one's purpose may also not be a certain victory as a different circumstance would require a different purpose in one's life. I guess i'm not really making sense now. But that's the whole point of it anyway. My life so far has not been making sense to me and to actually have a certain purpose in my life is not only brain-wrecking but also emotionally "stimulating" as and such when situations in life change that i find myself changing or more precisely adapting to that particular change which occured. My purpose or should i say purposes in life is somewhat challenged and undermined whenever this happens. At the end of the day i find myself being open to anything that could happen and taking it in my stride however wide my stride may be. But let's face it, no matter how much we try to stand firm and hold true to our beliefs and principles (or purpose so to speak), we somehow fall short of living completely up to them. There is only so much one can do and a purpose can always be defined and redefined in it's own way.

As a new year has begun and just like any new beginning , a new purpose is also brought to life. But what is most significant about a life is when a life is driven by a purpose. So to a new year ahead and to all the new beginnings that have begun, here's wishing a purposeful life - a life that although may not make sense most of the time, but with a purpose to living it, makes it all worth while no matter what that purpose may be.